I'm not LISTENING!!! LA LA LA LA LA!

I have the gift.

Well, I have A gift, and I'm not so sure it's a gift.

I'm a good counselor. People come to me when they have problems, to get support, find a way out, find some comisseration.

I never understood why it seems to be so rare, but it does. It only takes consideration, empathy, a little honesty (in the right places)... You just have to sympathize, tell the other person that it isn't their fault, agree that circumstances dealt them raw hand...

Of course, that alone isn't very constructive, you also have to find ways to show them any way out you may see, while not blaming them. You just use phrases like "Yeah, it sucks that guy/girl/company/tornado did that to you, it's really unfair... You know, if you tried kindness/wacking off less/kissing ass/building a storm shelter, it MIGHT make it better next time. It's that pits that you should have to, but maybe that's the price we pay"...

I've been accused of innapropriate honesty at times in my relationships, but I always saw relationships as being the place where you should err on the side of too much honesty if any.

When someone is upset, going through a crisis, that is NOT the time to be telling them everything you think they did wrong.

It's cruel, callous, and it shows a lack of concern for the person you're talking too. It also shows you don't care enough about them to bother to try to see what they're going through emotionally.

Lack of empathy is the primary symptom that the person you're talking to doesn't give a shit about you anymore. Many people will become unfeeling and cruel long before they actually decide to tell you to fuck off.

That's an odd message isn't it? "I still want to spend time with you, but don't bother asking me to be interested in you, what you're feeling, what's going on, or any of that. I'm just putting in my time so I don't feel bad about myself...".

Classic.

I've seent this kind of thing a thousand times, I've been used as a crisis counselor by damn near everyone around me, and 99% of them are gone the second their problems are gone.

For a long time I told myself I just had to bear it, that this was the price I paid for being the kind of person I wanted to be.

Then I got fed up and hid for awhile, only trying to help those that I truly considered my friends.

Then I found out that even they would do the same thing to me.

I guess I'm back to the original thought, I need to allow this to happen to me, in order to be the kind of person I want to be...

It's impossible not to become jaded, or even suspicious, it's just something you have to fight.