Where's my four leaf clover?

Haven't posted in awhile.

Things have been bad. Employed, unemployed, employed, unemployed...

When I was in High School, I knew someone that had many auto accidents. Every time He'd had a car for awhile, someone would rear end him, or blow through a stop sign to sideswipe him... It was always classified as the other person's fault, and he'd always end up with a better car out of the deal.

I thought, "this can't be random chance, he's doing something, or NOT doing something". I figured there was something wrong with his driving habits to cause so many accidents. The man ended up in the hospital for several of these accidents, so I didn't believe it was deliberate.

I just thought that since I had almost NO accidents and he had so many, there must be some difference, some habit that caused him to be more vulnerable.

Now? I'm not so sure.

My brothers got a nice job right out of college. They work for a big company, they have training and health benefits, they keep earning more and more money, and they get more and more well-off.

Me? I do it all, and I do it well. I work hard, I accomplish everything put in front of me. I just always seem to be in position of losing out. I'm in a department that is closed down, I'm put in a bad political situation that ends up with me being let go for something completely out of my control.

Life isn't fair, I know... But some people seem to be in a continual situation of sacrificial lamb.

It's the worse possible situation. It's frustration, it's the feeling of being in a pit and continually clawing your way up without any purchase. It's being closed in, trapped, not able to get any purchase, and the sheer frustration of knowing how capable you are but not being able to show it.

Maybe... Maybe some people are just born to frustration. If some people are born to situations that allow them clear sailing their entire lives, might not some be born continual no-wins?

I've never known this kind of hell. How many of our most capable people have died in situations of quiet desperation?

Is success luck? It's definitely not simple capability. Maybe it's combination of the two, with luck being the most important.