Monday, December 29, 2008
Do you dream in sci-fi?
People ask if I dream in color. It's hard to say, I'm not very visual in my dreams. There's a roughwork of visions, but I largely dream in feelings, concepts, and emotions.
I woke up one night with a dream banging around in my head, and I actually bothered (for once) to type the story out. I've had many odd dreams, in one I was in the Student Center at my college, hiding in a dark hallway with (believe it or not), Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinatti. He was offering me some cocaine coated mixed nuts.
In this dream, I dreamed in Sci-Fi. It's an old plot in an out-space setting (like a LOT of sci-fi), but what the hell? Here it is:
I was part of a travelling colony on an asteroid, with its atmosphere held in place artificially. The colony was small, and it's population held in control with a dowery system. I was young and of marrying age (around 16). I was in love with one girl, and was expected to marry another. The latter was the darling of the colony, everyone loved her, the former was unknown.
An accident involving the close pass-by of a comet occurred. After a few attempts to fix it, the colony lost the ability to retain its air. Older, poorer sections went first, which included my home and the home of the girl I loved. I tried to comfort her, and in the last sections I offerred to push her off the asteroid for a faster death, and so her body wouldn't be destroyed in upcoming collisions, but she said she'd be lonely floating in open space alone.
Somehow I ended up making it out of that section after she died in our bed, and into one of the few richer sections with better air tight systems so the air was still in place for now (although leaking). Here was my fiance (the darling of the colony). She said she wanted to know what it was like to ride horses under an open sun, and the colonists reinflated a small open town square bubble, and used it to show us a movie of a couple riding horses on a beach on a sunny day. She said she wanted to know what it was like to ride a train, and they. dressed up a water supply feed tunnel, and send us around the outside of the asteroid underground in a simulated train ride.
With both of these fantasies having wasted the little extra air the richer section of town had, and with my fiance grateful for the gift given her by the colony's richer members, she decides to return to my room and my bed with me, and die there as long as we are careful to position ourselves with me exactly halfway between her body and the body of my other love, so that anyone in the future that found us wouldn't think she was secondary in her relationship with me.
Possible theme: The difference in attitudes between first discovering the doom and thinking the colony would be completely destroyed (when I thought my first love would be better off a floating corpse in open space), and the end when we feel that the lifeless colony would be discovered, and we were worried about how our bodies would be discovered.
I woke up one night with a dream banging around in my head, and I actually bothered (for once) to type the story out. I've had many odd dreams, in one I was in the Student Center at my college, hiding in a dark hallway with (believe it or not), Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinatti. He was offering me some cocaine coated mixed nuts.
In this dream, I dreamed in Sci-Fi. It's an old plot in an out-space setting (like a LOT of sci-fi), but what the hell? Here it is:
I was part of a travelling colony on an asteroid, with its atmosphere held in place artificially. The colony was small, and it's population held in control with a dowery system. I was young and of marrying age (around 16). I was in love with one girl, and was expected to marry another. The latter was the darling of the colony, everyone loved her, the former was unknown.
An accident involving the close pass-by of a comet occurred. After a few attempts to fix it, the colony lost the ability to retain its air. Older, poorer sections went first, which included my home and the home of the girl I loved. I tried to comfort her, and in the last sections I offerred to push her off the asteroid for a faster death, and so her body wouldn't be destroyed in upcoming collisions, but she said she'd be lonely floating in open space alone.
Somehow I ended up making it out of that section after she died in our bed, and into one of the few richer sections with better air tight systems so the air was still in place for now (although leaking). Here was my fiance (the darling of the colony). She said she wanted to know what it was like to ride horses under an open sun, and the colonists reinflated a small open town square bubble, and used it to show us a movie of a couple riding horses on a beach on a sunny day. She said she wanted to know what it was like to ride a train, and they. dressed up a water supply feed tunnel, and send us around the outside of the asteroid underground in a simulated train ride.
With both of these fantasies having wasted the little extra air the richer section of town had, and with my fiance grateful for the gift given her by the colony's richer members, she decides to return to my room and my bed with me, and die there as long as we are careful to position ourselves with me exactly halfway between her body and the body of my other love, so that anyone in the future that found us wouldn't think she was secondary in her relationship with me.
Possible theme: The difference in attitudes between first discovering the doom and thinking the colony would be completely destroyed (when I thought my first love would be better off a floating corpse in open space), and the end when we feel that the lifeless colony would be discovered, and we were worried about how our bodies would be discovered.
Fallible Fathers
My father was the oldest of four children.
I've posted before (before I deleted the blog that is) about the differences between oldest children, and the youngest. Dad was definitely an oldest type. I loved him to death, when I was a pre-schooler, I used to follow him around and imitate him.
He had an "oldest" mindset. There was that calm assurance of his own infallibility, the inability to easily see another point of view...
He was better than most, partly because the free-thinking 60's happened while they were raising kids and watching with alarm what was going on in Vietnam while their kids were approaching draft age. He truly tried to be open minded, and did well for a man raised to admire Bing Crosby.
But, I was a youngest. A lot of us are (by oldest standards) more free thinking, odder, more off-the-wall, and lets face it... Irresponsible (at least at a young age.)
He was ill equipped to handle me. Between his "oldest" mindset, and his 50's upbringing in which the answer to child-rearing problems was just "more discipline", he was pretty much at a loss.
I remember some things that would be called flat child abuse these days, but even then I understood that he loved me and that these incidents happened out of his desperation.
I (of course) blamed myself for everything, that's what "youngest" and introspective types do.
It all worked out, but it took a LONG time for him to understand, for me to stop blaming myself, for him to find different ways, for me to learn how to tell him what I needed to in the proper manner...
All that stuff.
He was fallible, and he tried his best.
I remember I was in college before I ever overheard a conversation between him and Mom that told me he liked me. (I knew he loved me, "like" is a different thing)
My girlfriend has a 13 year old son that is a lot like I was in some ways.
I'm better at handling it than Dad was, but largely because I know what didn't work with me.
I've posted before (before I deleted the blog that is) about the differences between oldest children, and the youngest. Dad was definitely an oldest type. I loved him to death, when I was a pre-schooler, I used to follow him around and imitate him.
He had an "oldest" mindset. There was that calm assurance of his own infallibility, the inability to easily see another point of view...
He was better than most, partly because the free-thinking 60's happened while they were raising kids and watching with alarm what was going on in Vietnam while their kids were approaching draft age. He truly tried to be open minded, and did well for a man raised to admire Bing Crosby.
But, I was a youngest. A lot of us are (by oldest standards) more free thinking, odder, more off-the-wall, and lets face it... Irresponsible (at least at a young age.)
He was ill equipped to handle me. Between his "oldest" mindset, and his 50's upbringing in which the answer to child-rearing problems was just "more discipline", he was pretty much at a loss.
I remember some things that would be called flat child abuse these days, but even then I understood that he loved me and that these incidents happened out of his desperation.
I (of course) blamed myself for everything, that's what "youngest" and introspective types do.
It all worked out, but it took a LONG time for him to understand, for me to stop blaming myself, for him to find different ways, for me to learn how to tell him what I needed to in the proper manner...
All that stuff.
He was fallible, and he tried his best.
I remember I was in college before I ever overheard a conversation between him and Mom that told me he liked me. (I knew he loved me, "like" is a different thing)
My girlfriend has a 13 year old son that is a lot like I was in some ways.
I'm better at handling it than Dad was, but largely because I know what didn't work with me.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Gimme NOW, screw tomorrow.
I just saw another opinion piece blaming the automotive industry's financial problems on their high labor costs.
There's a few things they're not telling you here.
One of them is that when they give you a figure like "$73/hour", they including all labor costs. That's wages (before taxes), medical insurance, life insurance, and all costs for retired workers (including their retirement pay, THEIR insurance, etc). Our automotive industry was built back in the days before 401k's, retirement was a benefit, not a savings plan. If they are burdened for those payments (which are the largest for any automotive companies in the world), it's because of their previous obligations for their more halcion days.
Those of us old enough to remember the 70's have seen this before. The gas crunch in those days cause a similar crisis, and we end up wondering how these companies can blame their workers, when they had every warning that such a thing could and would happen again.
So why were they so unprepared?
Well, one reason is that they've been bailed out a few times now. They figure they can just run the business irresponsibly with no concession given to potential disasters or bad times. They don't innovate, they don't plan, they run the company as a big bureacratic behemeth to get the most profit then can immediately. Long term planning is non-existent, because they figure the taxpayers will come rescue their sorry asses when the shit hits the fan.
The people that make these decisions have no incentive to make long range plans either. With CEO and boardroom compensation in the millions, or tens of millions of dollars, it only takes a few years for the people at the top to rake in enough money to last a lifetime. Their focus is all the profit they can squeeze out of the company as fast as possible. That's what best benefits them, and that's what best benefits their biggest stockholders. (Smaller stockholders are of no consequence)
Fifty years ago, the people at the top only earned small percentage of what the rank and file earned at a large company. They were there for the long haul, maybe their entire career. As such they made decisions to keep the company in good shape for their whole working lives, and maybe longer.
These days, only the workers and small investors have such perspectives.
Our corporate culture needs a complete overhaul, and if we can't get it done any other way, then we need to get it done legislatively.
There's a few things they're not telling you here.
One of them is that when they give you a figure like "$73/hour", they including all labor costs. That's wages (before taxes), medical insurance, life insurance, and all costs for retired workers (including their retirement pay, THEIR insurance, etc). Our automotive industry was built back in the days before 401k's, retirement was a benefit, not a savings plan. If they are burdened for those payments (which are the largest for any automotive companies in the world), it's because of their previous obligations for their more halcion days.
Those of us old enough to remember the 70's have seen this before. The gas crunch in those days cause a similar crisis, and we end up wondering how these companies can blame their workers, when they had every warning that such a thing could and would happen again.
So why were they so unprepared?
Well, one reason is that they've been bailed out a few times now. They figure they can just run the business irresponsibly with no concession given to potential disasters or bad times. They don't innovate, they don't plan, they run the company as a big bureacratic behemeth to get the most profit then can immediately. Long term planning is non-existent, because they figure the taxpayers will come rescue their sorry asses when the shit hits the fan.
The people that make these decisions have no incentive to make long range plans either. With CEO and boardroom compensation in the millions, or tens of millions of dollars, it only takes a few years for the people at the top to rake in enough money to last a lifetime. Their focus is all the profit they can squeeze out of the company as fast as possible. That's what best benefits them, and that's what best benefits their biggest stockholders. (Smaller stockholders are of no consequence)
Fifty years ago, the people at the top only earned small percentage of what the rank and file earned at a large company. They were there for the long haul, maybe their entire career. As such they made decisions to keep the company in good shape for their whole working lives, and maybe longer.
These days, only the workers and small investors have such perspectives.
Our corporate culture needs a complete overhaul, and if we can't get it done any other way, then we need to get it done legislatively.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
I know you hate me
Lets look at the other side of forgiveness.
Lets look at the forgiven. (Or those that want forgiveness)
My interest in this topic is recent, it comes from recent experiences with people that are obsessed with it, talk about it, focus on it.
With distance I'm putting things together. There's a pattern here.
They consistently (even constantly) talk about how they've "forgiven" themselves. If you tell them you've forgiven them for some incident, they also take that forgiveness and apply it to everything they've ever done with or to you. Any forgiveness is applied in a blanket manner.
In an argument, there's always the phrase "I know you hate me".
These are people that are obsessed by forgiveness because they want it so much.
But they won't change the things they do, the way they behave. They continue to act in callous disregard, then deny they did it. Admission of any wrongdoing requires days, weeks, months, even years of discussion after discussion, all the while racking up more offenses.
They are often VERY good at arguments, although they don't stay on the point. Any conflict leads to a furious, vicious scattershot of statements, hundreds of non-sequiters, denials, red herrings, vicious attacks, empathetic half truths... Anything and everything to confuse, obfuscate, and avoid actually taking responsibility.
The core though, is in those phrases. They want forgiveness because they see it as a way to wipe the slate clean. They want that not so they can be a better person, or repair the relationship, but so they can salve their conscience enough to continue to do what they want.
"I know you hate me" is the sign of someone that has been doing this a long long time. They believe they are deserving of hate, because they so often HAVE been deserving of hate. They KNOW they are behaving badly at some level; they've seen far to many people walk away hating them.
So, even while the offended person is trying to repair, they are assuming that someone else hates them.
Oddly, as aware as the people I've seen are of this entire thing, they spend so much of their time learning to lie to themselves, that they continue that pattern. They lie to you, they lie to themselves, they lie to their therapist, they don't seem to KNOW the way out.
They don't WANT to know, that would mean they need to change their habits.
And that is a non-starter. Better to leave their victims behind them.
And lie.
Lets look at the forgiven. (Or those that want forgiveness)
My interest in this topic is recent, it comes from recent experiences with people that are obsessed with it, talk about it, focus on it.
With distance I'm putting things together. There's a pattern here.
They consistently (even constantly) talk about how they've "forgiven" themselves. If you tell them you've forgiven them for some incident, they also take that forgiveness and apply it to everything they've ever done with or to you. Any forgiveness is applied in a blanket manner.
In an argument, there's always the phrase "I know you hate me".
These are people that are obsessed by forgiveness because they want it so much.
But they won't change the things they do, the way they behave. They continue to act in callous disregard, then deny they did it. Admission of any wrongdoing requires days, weeks, months, even years of discussion after discussion, all the while racking up more offenses.
They are often VERY good at arguments, although they don't stay on the point. Any conflict leads to a furious, vicious scattershot of statements, hundreds of non-sequiters, denials, red herrings, vicious attacks, empathetic half truths... Anything and everything to confuse, obfuscate, and avoid actually taking responsibility.
The core though, is in those phrases. They want forgiveness because they see it as a way to wipe the slate clean. They want that not so they can be a better person, or repair the relationship, but so they can salve their conscience enough to continue to do what they want.
"I know you hate me" is the sign of someone that has been doing this a long long time. They believe they are deserving of hate, because they so often HAVE been deserving of hate. They KNOW they are behaving badly at some level; they've seen far to many people walk away hating them.
So, even while the offended person is trying to repair, they are assuming that someone else hates them.
Oddly, as aware as the people I've seen are of this entire thing, they spend so much of their time learning to lie to themselves, that they continue that pattern. They lie to you, they lie to themselves, they lie to their therapist, they don't seem to KNOW the way out.
They don't WANT to know, that would mean they need to change their habits.
And that is a non-starter. Better to leave their victims behind them.
And lie.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Requirements for forgiveness
I found the following on Yahoo Answers, detailing God's requirements for forgiveness...
There's a bit more than I detailed in my forgiveness post below, but I think a stripped down version of this is also what is required for forgiveness between people.
How can I be and feel forgiven?
The Real Need for Forgiveness
God hates sin; He cannot stand to look at its ugliness. Therefore, unconfessed sin in our lives comes between us and damages our relationship with the Lord.
"Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, or his ear too dull to hear, but your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that He will not hear." (Isaiah 59:1-2)
Not only does unforgiveness come between us and God, it also breaks our relationships with others.
"He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." (Proverbs 17:9)
The Requirements for Forgiveness
Because God hates sin, the price for forgiveness is high. Scripture gives the following requirements for forgiveness:
Sacrifice. Hebrews 9:22 says that "without the shedding of Blood, there is no forgiveness." In the Old Testament, a sacrifice of an unblemished lamb was required to satisfy God's wrath. Jesus, the sinless Son of God, died on the cross and became the ultimate sacrifice for sin. Jesus bought our forgiveness when he died on the cross.
"For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God." (1 Peter 3:18a)
"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace." (Ephesians 1:7)
Forgiveness of others. Another requirement for forgiveness of sins in that we forgive others. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that "real love keeps no record of wrongs." Remember that Proverbs 17:9 tells us that a real friend will forgive. God has also made forgiving others a requirement for receiving His forgiveness.
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14,15)
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)
Confession of sin. We must admit our sins to God if our relationship with Him is to be restored completely. Looking back at the real need for forgiveness, we see that unconfessed sin can separate us in our relationship with God. Confession is the way to restore that relationship with the Lord, remembering that it is for our own benefit that we confess to return to the Lord because He is faithful even when we are not (2 Timothy 2:13).
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)
Repentance. We must decide to change, to turn from our sins.
"Therefore this is what the Lord says, 'If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me.'" (Jeremiah 15:19a)
The Results of Forgiveness
The Bible promises the following benefits of God's forgiveness:
Happiness. When we know God's forgiveness, we are blessed (happy).
"Blessed (happy) is he whose transgressions are forgiven, who sins are covered. Blessed (happy) is the man whose sin the Lord doesn't count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit." (Psalm 32:1,2)
God chooses not to hold our sins against us. Another result of forgiveness is that God doesn't keep a record of our sins, He does not hold them against us. Because the blood of Christ covered our sins, God chooses to put them out of His mind.
"I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more." (Isaiah 43:25)
God removes our sin from us. "It is possible for the Lord to look at us without seeing our sins because when he forgave us, he removed our sins as far as the east is from the west" (Psalm 103:12)
We can forgive ourselves. When we are forgiven, we can forgive ourselves and go on with our lives.
"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13,14)
There's a bit more than I detailed in my forgiveness post below, but I think a stripped down version of this is also what is required for forgiveness between people.
How can I be and feel forgiven?
The Real Need for Forgiveness
God hates sin; He cannot stand to look at its ugliness. Therefore, unconfessed sin in our lives comes between us and damages our relationship with the Lord.
"Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, or his ear too dull to hear, but your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that He will not hear." (Isaiah 59:1-2)
Not only does unforgiveness come between us and God, it also breaks our relationships with others.
"He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." (Proverbs 17:9)
The Requirements for Forgiveness
Because God hates sin, the price for forgiveness is high. Scripture gives the following requirements for forgiveness:
Sacrifice. Hebrews 9:22 says that "without the shedding of Blood, there is no forgiveness." In the Old Testament, a sacrifice of an unblemished lamb was required to satisfy God's wrath. Jesus, the sinless Son of God, died on the cross and became the ultimate sacrifice for sin. Jesus bought our forgiveness when he died on the cross.
"For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God." (1 Peter 3:18a)
"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace." (Ephesians 1:7)
Forgiveness of others. Another requirement for forgiveness of sins in that we forgive others. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that "real love keeps no record of wrongs." Remember that Proverbs 17:9 tells us that a real friend will forgive. God has also made forgiving others a requirement for receiving His forgiveness.
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14,15)
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)
Confession of sin. We must admit our sins to God if our relationship with Him is to be restored completely. Looking back at the real need for forgiveness, we see that unconfessed sin can separate us in our relationship with God. Confession is the way to restore that relationship with the Lord, remembering that it is for our own benefit that we confess to return to the Lord because He is faithful even when we are not (2 Timothy 2:13).
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)
Repentance. We must decide to change, to turn from our sins.
"Therefore this is what the Lord says, 'If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me.'" (Jeremiah 15:19a)
The Results of Forgiveness
The Bible promises the following benefits of God's forgiveness:
Happiness. When we know God's forgiveness, we are blessed (happy).
"Blessed (happy) is he whose transgressions are forgiven, who sins are covered. Blessed (happy) is the man whose sin the Lord doesn't count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit." (Psalm 32:1,2)
God chooses not to hold our sins against us. Another result of forgiveness is that God doesn't keep a record of our sins, He does not hold them against us. Because the blood of Christ covered our sins, God chooses to put them out of His mind.
"I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more." (Isaiah 43:25)
God removes our sin from us. "It is possible for the Lord to look at us without seeing our sins because when he forgave us, he removed our sins as far as the east is from the west" (Psalm 103:12)
We can forgive ourselves. When we are forgiven, we can forgive ourselves and go on with our lives.
"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13,14)
Monday, December 8, 2008
Best of all possible worlds
I hear that quote often. "Best of all possible worlds".
I wonder how many people that use it understand where it came from.
There was a philosophy called Optimism. It was thought up to explain why, in religeous terms, there was evil in the world.
All powerful creator right? Watches over us? Why would he create a world in which there was evil?
Optimism held that not all worlds were possible, and that we live in the best of the possible worlds. In other words, God did what he could.
In Candide, Voltaire refuted that, through irony and satire. Candide wanders through a world filled with horrors and cruelty, and at ever gruesome step someone it assuring him that this is the "best of all possible worlds".
Personally, I've always believed that there are two kinds of evil. There's evil that is a circumstance of nature. This is things like volcanoes, earthquakes, etc. This evil is endemic to the way our universe works.
Actually, I can understand this evil. If humankind is to achieve its potential, there must be trials and obstacles. If the afterlife is the IMPORTANT part of our existence, then what happens here is our time to show our mettle.
Face it. In a perfect world, we'd all end up as couch potatoes.
The second type of evil springs from free will. If you think about it, there's no way for free will to exist without the possibility of people doing evil. As long as we're not all robots, there will be murder, cruelty, or (more commonly) callous disregard due to selfishness.
So far, it seems ok. By those criteria, we might BE living in the best of all possible worlds. Given the prerequisites of motivation to achieve, and free will, the evils we face might be inevitable.
But, if you look a bit more closely...
Why must there be so much natural evil that is out of our control?
Why are some people so hardwired to be evil?
Why must we constantly be in a battle to assert good over evil, or in simpler terms... Why must they always have all the advantages?
I dunno. I think Optimism is dead.
I wonder how many people that use it understand where it came from.
There was a philosophy called Optimism. It was thought up to explain why, in religeous terms, there was evil in the world.
All powerful creator right? Watches over us? Why would he create a world in which there was evil?
Optimism held that not all worlds were possible, and that we live in the best of the possible worlds. In other words, God did what he could.
In Candide, Voltaire refuted that, through irony and satire. Candide wanders through a world filled with horrors and cruelty, and at ever gruesome step someone it assuring him that this is the "best of all possible worlds".
Personally, I've always believed that there are two kinds of evil. There's evil that is a circumstance of nature. This is things like volcanoes, earthquakes, etc. This evil is endemic to the way our universe works.
Actually, I can understand this evil. If humankind is to achieve its potential, there must be trials and obstacles. If the afterlife is the IMPORTANT part of our existence, then what happens here is our time to show our mettle.
Face it. In a perfect world, we'd all end up as couch potatoes.
The second type of evil springs from free will. If you think about it, there's no way for free will to exist without the possibility of people doing evil. As long as we're not all robots, there will be murder, cruelty, or (more commonly) callous disregard due to selfishness.
So far, it seems ok. By those criteria, we might BE living in the best of all possible worlds. Given the prerequisites of motivation to achieve, and free will, the evils we face might be inevitable.
But, if you look a bit more closely...
Why must there be so much natural evil that is out of our control?
Why are some people so hardwired to be evil?
Why must we constantly be in a battle to assert good over evil, or in simpler terms... Why must they always have all the advantages?
I dunno. I think Optimism is dead.
Our jobs, our bosses, our masters.
Well, it's time to go get my unemployment review. I despise this, but it's the price I pay for taking advantage of a social insurance program.
I was laid off for 11 months, worked hard to get a professional certification, ran out my unemployment, waited three months while an employer told me I HAD the job, I just needed to wait... I even passed on other jobs while waiting.
They employed me two months, and laid me off again.
Now, I'm on the unemployment extension. I'm getting interviews, but it takes everyone months to decide these days.
This is for a man with a degree, professional certifications, and over 15 years of experience in the field.
Meanwhile, my girlfriend, a lady with some college, and over a decade of experience as a legal secretary, is working at a local bakery for little pay, no insurance, and virtually no experience.
Employers in the U.S. have dangled the horrors of offshoring our jobs and the false rationalizations of "foreign competition" in front of us to turn the upper levels of our corporations into their own personal, highly paid fiefdoms. In my last job, I BEGGED my boss for vital information about the project he'd handed to me, but he spent all his time downstairs in the cafeteria flirting with the Starbucks girl. Eventually, I managed to put together the plan, partly on my own, partly with the help of vendors, partly with the advice of other departments, and the project was clicking along.
But, that period when I was lacking essential info showed up in some of the reports. When those hit the committees, I got shit canned by my boss to save his own worthless skin.
This is our life these days. While the right wing rants about the opressive government, our lives have been taken over by the private sector, which is not accountable to us in any way. They can use us, discard us, limit our advancement on a whim, work us whatever hours they want for no pay, and exploit us in any way they see fit to.
It's maddening.
Where is our dream of a meritocracy?
I was laid off for 11 months, worked hard to get a professional certification, ran out my unemployment, waited three months while an employer told me I HAD the job, I just needed to wait... I even passed on other jobs while waiting.
They employed me two months, and laid me off again.
Now, I'm on the unemployment extension. I'm getting interviews, but it takes everyone months to decide these days.
This is for a man with a degree, professional certifications, and over 15 years of experience in the field.
Meanwhile, my girlfriend, a lady with some college, and over a decade of experience as a legal secretary, is working at a local bakery for little pay, no insurance, and virtually no experience.
Employers in the U.S. have dangled the horrors of offshoring our jobs and the false rationalizations of "foreign competition" in front of us to turn the upper levels of our corporations into their own personal, highly paid fiefdoms. In my last job, I BEGGED my boss for vital information about the project he'd handed to me, but he spent all his time downstairs in the cafeteria flirting with the Starbucks girl. Eventually, I managed to put together the plan, partly on my own, partly with the help of vendors, partly with the advice of other departments, and the project was clicking along.
But, that period when I was lacking essential info showed up in some of the reports. When those hit the committees, I got shit canned by my boss to save his own worthless skin.
This is our life these days. While the right wing rants about the opressive government, our lives have been taken over by the private sector, which is not accountable to us in any way. They can use us, discard us, limit our advancement on a whim, work us whatever hours they want for no pay, and exploit us in any way they see fit to.
It's maddening.
Where is our dream of a meritocracy?
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Is forgiveness automatically a virtue?
I've been pondering forgiveness lately. For some, it's an automatic virtue, kind of a repeating "all forgiveness, all the time" radio station wiping every one's slate clean on a two minute rotation.
I'm a bit at odds with that. Even the Catholics (of whom I am one) demand three things for forgiveness, admittance, penance, and an honest desire to do BETTER, not do it again.
I've had friends that have required forgiveness, and I certainly have. Where I start losing it with friends, is when I get apologies for some misdeed, and nothing changes. The same behaviour continues.
That tells me there was no desire for forgiveness at all. The message is that they aren't sorry they did something wrong; they're sorry they got caught, or that you are making them admit it. It's a very self-centered desire (or intention even) for them to continue to do whatever they damn well please, and then lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, or ANYTHING to not be held responsible.
I've had friends that were like roused hives of African Killer Bees. They take offense at the slightest misstep (or even an imagined misstep), and they turn VICIOUS very very quickly. Recently, I got tired of the vicious "go for the throat" tactics of one of them, and just went back the same way.
Well, not EXACTLY the same way, she was trying to hurt, I was trying to piss her off. I knew enough about her to know what subjects would hurt her, so I just satisfied myself with anger.
Largely? Well, I was tired of getting my throat ripped out, and just figured the friendship was over anyway if that was the way it was going to be.
Now... Forgiveness?
I dunno. This one is a long history of doing whatever she wants to do, and reacting with fury if you ever hold her responsible.
I don't think forgiveness is deserved. I'm more inclined toward just putting her in the "I don't care about this person anymore until she grows up" column.
You don't forgive a jackal, you just lock it out of your house.
I'm a bit at odds with that. Even the Catholics (of whom I am one) demand three things for forgiveness, admittance, penance, and an honest desire to do BETTER, not do it again.
I've had friends that have required forgiveness, and I certainly have. Where I start losing it with friends, is when I get apologies for some misdeed, and nothing changes. The same behaviour continues.
That tells me there was no desire for forgiveness at all. The message is that they aren't sorry they did something wrong; they're sorry they got caught, or that you are making them admit it. It's a very self-centered desire (or intention even) for them to continue to do whatever they damn well please, and then lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, or ANYTHING to not be held responsible.
I've had friends that were like roused hives of African Killer Bees. They take offense at the slightest misstep (or even an imagined misstep), and they turn VICIOUS very very quickly. Recently, I got tired of the vicious "go for the throat" tactics of one of them, and just went back the same way.
Well, not EXACTLY the same way, she was trying to hurt, I was trying to piss her off. I knew enough about her to know what subjects would hurt her, so I just satisfied myself with anger.
Largely? Well, I was tired of getting my throat ripped out, and just figured the friendship was over anyway if that was the way it was going to be.
Now... Forgiveness?
I dunno. This one is a long history of doing whatever she wants to do, and reacting with fury if you ever hold her responsible.
I don't think forgiveness is deserved. I'm more inclined toward just putting her in the "I don't care about this person anymore until she grows up" column.
You don't forgive a jackal, you just lock it out of your house.
Smores time.
This is "J", making smores for a crowd of kids. Kids shouldn't be allowed to muck around with melted marshmallow on their own.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Leave me alone!
Had the most disturbing dream a day or two ago.
My sleep is wildly variable these days, sometimes I have insomnia most of the night, and catch up with naps, sometimes I sleep right on schedule. Messing with my sleep is probably nature's meanest middle-age cruelty.
In the dream, I was wandering in a park with my dog (Cinder). "J" (my girlfriend) was with me, and I we were passing by a couple of security guys with trained dogs of their own.
Worried that Cinder would try to run over and say hi to the two guard dogs (she's inordinately friendly), I glanced over to her, and saw her in a ditch sniffing around. She came bounding out as I knelt down for some reason, and she was soaking wet. Knowing what was coming, I laid down, and rolled over with my back to her as she shook and sprayed ditch water everywhere.
Problem was, rolling over placed me right next to one of the guard dogs, who immediately bared his teeth and growled while he put his mouth near my throat.
The guard told me not to move, and used his radio to call the trainer. Then there was a long period (which I knew somehow was 20 minutes) where I laid there with this dog's mouth at my throat, hearing nothing else around me, and asking if anyone was still there. There was never an answer.
Eventually the trainer showed up, and I got up and searched out the guard's boss to cuss about being left alone on the sidewalk with his dog at my throat for 20 minutes. I also had a long period with "J", where I tried to talk to her about having gone on to take a nap while I was there, but she never acted like she really thought there was anything wrong with walking off on me.
It's odd, but now that I think about it, a LOT of my dreams are like this. The first nightmare I remember was when I was pre-school age, when I dreamed my mother was mad at me for some reason, and put me out on the back porch. She told me I couldn't come in the house anymore and left me there alone. I woke up crying, and my mother (my REAL waking mother) was asking me what was wrong.
It seems to show (and emotionally feels like) there's some abandonment issues here, but I had a reasonably normal childhood there.
I had a long period of withdraw in early adolescence that DID feel like that though.
It makes you wonder if there was ever something that triggered such a thing in childhood, something so far back that I don't even remember it... My parents were good parents in most ways, but you never know what small circumstance could cause such a quirk.
My sleep is wildly variable these days, sometimes I have insomnia most of the night, and catch up with naps, sometimes I sleep right on schedule. Messing with my sleep is probably nature's meanest middle-age cruelty.
In the dream, I was wandering in a park with my dog (Cinder). "J" (my girlfriend) was with me, and I we were passing by a couple of security guys with trained dogs of their own.
Worried that Cinder would try to run over and say hi to the two guard dogs (she's inordinately friendly), I glanced over to her, and saw her in a ditch sniffing around. She came bounding out as I knelt down for some reason, and she was soaking wet. Knowing what was coming, I laid down, and rolled over with my back to her as she shook and sprayed ditch water everywhere.
Problem was, rolling over placed me right next to one of the guard dogs, who immediately bared his teeth and growled while he put his mouth near my throat.
The guard told me not to move, and used his radio to call the trainer. Then there was a long period (which I knew somehow was 20 minutes) where I laid there with this dog's mouth at my throat, hearing nothing else around me, and asking if anyone was still there. There was never an answer.
Eventually the trainer showed up, and I got up and searched out the guard's boss to cuss about being left alone on the sidewalk with his dog at my throat for 20 minutes. I also had a long period with "J", where I tried to talk to her about having gone on to take a nap while I was there, but she never acted like she really thought there was anything wrong with walking off on me.
It's odd, but now that I think about it, a LOT of my dreams are like this. The first nightmare I remember was when I was pre-school age, when I dreamed my mother was mad at me for some reason, and put me out on the back porch. She told me I couldn't come in the house anymore and left me there alone. I woke up crying, and my mother (my REAL waking mother) was asking me what was wrong.
It seems to show (and emotionally feels like) there's some abandonment issues here, but I had a reasonably normal childhood there.
I had a long period of withdraw in early adolescence that DID feel like that though.
It makes you wonder if there was ever something that triggered such a thing in childhood, something so far back that I don't even remember it... My parents were good parents in most ways, but you never know what small circumstance could cause such a quirk.
Back
Yes yes. I deleted this blog.
Completely deleted. Poof. Gone. No backups, nothing.
It was time. This blog was created largely as a method of keeping in touch with an old college friend or two. I shared to a public audience, discussed various things, but it was as much for them as for me.
As such, it had a certain expectation behind it that I had to get rid of. It needed to go. I had to shake off all the expectations, and leave it dark for awhile to get a true new start to it.
Now? Lets just call it an open diary. If one of my old friends finds it again, fine, but it's no longer there for them at all.
Now it's just interesting thoughts, personal observations, and embarrassing introspection (which has always been my speciality).
There will be no cute bloggy personality tests, no cute bloggy awards, and no schedule for my posts. It's just a way of thinking out loud.
Completely deleted. Poof. Gone. No backups, nothing.
It was time. This blog was created largely as a method of keeping in touch with an old college friend or two. I shared to a public audience, discussed various things, but it was as much for them as for me.
As such, it had a certain expectation behind it that I had to get rid of. It needed to go. I had to shake off all the expectations, and leave it dark for awhile to get a true new start to it.
Now? Lets just call it an open diary. If one of my old friends finds it again, fine, but it's no longer there for them at all.
Now it's just interesting thoughts, personal observations, and embarrassing introspection (which has always been my speciality).
There will be no cute bloggy personality tests, no cute bloggy awards, and no schedule for my posts. It's just a way of thinking out loud.
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